Seven Going on 17

Yesterday my sister took her two boys (11 & 7) to get milkshakes after school. On the way back from Sonic...

"Mom?" asked the 7 year old

"Yes baby?"

"I got puberty today" he announces.

"You did?"

"Yeah, I got a hair on my balls."

And we've both known for years that the youngest will be trouble.

Brainless Blogger

Ok, I stand corrected.

Dixie pointed out to me (kindly) that my ire with congress over the passport situation may be a little misplaced because congress does not control Homeland Security or the U.S. Department of State.

She's right.

The U.S. State Department (which is responsible for passports) is a cabinet-level agency that is part of the executive branch of the U.S. government. It is administered by the Secretary of State, who reports directly to the President.

So now I can lay the blame on Condy Rice and her puppetmaster, GWB. It makes perfect sense to me now.

I have to let congress off the hook for the passports, but they should still be roasting over the pork.

Brainless Government

You are about to witness the birth of my first rant on this blog. Enjoy.

This week I read a news article that just bent me out of shape for no other reason than the fact that it demonstrates the stupid factor of the U.S. Government. Wasn't it last YEAR that Congress decided to require passports for all U.S. citizens to gain re-entry from foreign lands, including the ones that are attached to North America (i.e. Mexico & Canada)? Didn't they realize when they announced this that there would be an influx of people trying to obtain passports? It's called PLANNING people!

I mean really! Now passport offices across the nation are backed up with applications, and it is taking 10 weeks instead of six to get the damned thing. And it's taking 4 weeks instead of two to get it expedited (but of course, they're still charging the same price!). Thank goodness I don't have to worry about this.. but the ones that do are lining up out the door and around the block to make sure they get theirs before the plane leaves. And I do mean literally!

What kind of asinine congressional body planned this? Did they think they wouldn't have a zillion more applications? Did they not think to hire more people to handle the overload? Apparently not. The passport offices say they will employ more processors by August. August?! WTF? Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that AFTER summer vacation? They call that a solution? Wouldn't it have just been easier all around to THINK in the first place? Oh, I forgot. We're talking about the American government..

Some people have been planning for months (or years!) for their Canadian dream vacation, only to be told NOW that they may lose their deposit.. or their trip all together.. And do you think the U.S. government is going to issue refunds? The very thought evokes peals of laughter. Good luck with that one.

Like I said, there is a stupid factor here.

Or maybe not.. because while I was getting mad for my fellow Americans over this article, another crazy vision came within view.. Do you know how much Congress spent on pork last year? Do you? A whopping $13 Billion dollars! That's right. $13 BILLION. And for those of you that don't know what 'pork barrel spending' is, let me enlighten you.

Pork barrel spending is a term used by U.S. politicians to hide the bribes they take to line their own pockets.. What they do is insert unnecessary (and costly!) projects into legislation to win favor with the highest paying lobbyist they can find! In return, the lobbyist gets their funding, no matter what crazy-ass project it is. The congressman gets paid by the lobbyist, and supposedly uses it to finance the re-election campaign. Only they use our tax dollars to fund the projects! It's a time-honored Washington tradition.. The fact that we Americans let them get away with it is incredible.

So who really has the stupid factor? Could it be us? Could it?

Our (elected) officials have pocketed all this money behind our backs, while a great number of us wait in line to get a passport we were supposed to receive 4 weeks ago! Because no one had the bright idea or the common sense to hire more people to handle all the extra applications that they KNEW were coming in the first place!

And the plane leaves in two hours..

I feel bad for the people that are going to miss it. But I predict the private jets of our congressional leaders will still be flying.. they won't miss their vacations. Guaranteed.

My buttons have really been pushed in the last few days by financial rape and brainless government! I've come to the conclusion (what I've always known anyway) that if America would just make me Queen, I could fix a lot of things. You know I'd have to be Queen ~ I'm not crooked enough to be a politician.. And how was your week?



P.S. If you want to know more about where your tax dollars are really going, click this link http://www.akdart.com/pork.html
It's enlightening. But it will make you mad. Also guaranteed.

Coming March 19th!

I know you're thinking that the title means I'm coming home to Germany. I am deeply disappointed that this is not the case.. as it looks right now, I won't be coming back until April. Michael is disappointed too.. we're both ready to be back together.. soon darling. Just a few more days..

No, what's coming March 19th are three new products for our business. And I'm really excited about all three, so I thought I would share them with you (our website is to the right under Shipping & Receiving)..

Michael is the proud owner of a distributorship with Tahitian Noni International. The company markets products that promote this amazing fruit, which is a powerful antioxidant, used to enhance your immune system. And they use every part of the Noni plant ~ fruit, leaves, bark, seeds & oil ~ meaning none of it is wasted. TNI produces a wide range of products too ~ Noni juice, their own tea blends, skin & hair care, weight management and vitamins. Not to mention, Noni is also good for dogs and horses, so there is a product line for them! The plant has been used in the East for centuries, and researchers are beginning to discover its many healthful properties.

Some of the best athletes in the world use Noni.. people like Florian Mayer, who should need no introduction on this blog; Chauncey Billups of the Detroit Pistons; Lang Ping, head coach of the USA Women's National Volleyball team (and an Olympic gold medalist); Amelie Kober, 2007 World Cup Champion and professional snowboarder; and Evi Sachenbacher, of Germany's medal winning cross country ski team. There are lots of others..

If any of you live in the Munich area, TMI has also opened a Noni Cafe, if you're interested in lunch. They plan to open more cafes in the future, and Michael and I both hope they expand in Germany.

But the three new products to be released on March 19th are all beverages ~ called Hiro.

First, there's Hiro Energy. For better energy and enhanced performance. It's better than Red Bull, Rockstar, Monster & Amp.. and better for you, with fewer calories, low carbs, no added sugar or caffeine. It contains the thiamin, biotin and folic acid that the others do not.

Then there's Hiro Vitality. To support and maintain a healthy immune system. It tops Sobe Elixir, Fuze and Vitamin Water, with no added sugar, and contains iron, potassium, manganese and copper.. again, the other drinks do not contain these minerals.

The last one is Hiro Mobility. A beverage that specifically targets joint health and support. Like the others, it is low in calories, but contains joint enhancers like glucosamine, chondroitin and MSM.. and this is one I am especially waiting for, because some members of my family will certainly benefit from it. There is no comparison with GNC Liquid Flex, Joint Juice or Vitamin Shoppe.

And all three with the added benefit of Noni!

This is a new venture for us and we are both very excited about the business and about our future with TMI. For me, it means I will have something productive to do when I get home, some contribution to make toward our economic development (hehe). For Michael, it will get him away from the long hours of a six-day week in the restaurant, and more time at home (to work on that handball team, no doubt!) So..

If you're thinking this is a shameless plug for our site.. well, in a way I guess it is. But I have a vested interest in telling you about Noni, because I am diabetic myself, and I'm always looking to improve my own health and well-being. I believe in people taking control of their own wellness.. not just with Noni, but with anything that keeps them healthier in a natural way.

Five years ago, when I discovered that I was diabetic, my doctor had me on medication to improve my insulin tolerance. But after two years and some radical life-style changing, I stopped taking the meds and have had no further problems.. because I watch what I eat, I have my own self-prescribed regimen, and I actively manage my own health. It works for me. And I don't have to use any prescriptions to keep my insulin under control anymore.

But I am going to use and benefit from these new beverages too (Michael ~ get ready to order them!).. and in the words of a former American icon & recent prison inmate.. It's a good thing.

So check out Noni if you're interested.. and if my link takes you to the German site, you can read it English by scrolling to the bottom of the page and clicking on Land wahlen. From there you can choose which language you want, from English to Mandarin!

Click this link ~ www.tni.com/mizi-xs ~ to discover Noni for yourself and for your health!

Mother's Halo

So, last night my mother gained a halo.. at least as far as I'm concerned. Apparently she has noticed just how much I am missing Michael and all things German.. even though she is not thrilled with the thought of my moving. (She is happy that I am in love. She is happy that I am happy. She is not so happy to let her daughter move to a foreign country - i.e. out of her protective reach)

Mother is a born and bred Southern woman. Mostly she remains silent on issues that bother her, preferring to make her point in a sly and indirect manner. If any of you have a Southern mother or grandmother, you'll know what I mean. But regardless, my mother is the definition of "Steel Magnolia", and I love her anyway, even if we don't always agree. I know that in the important things in life, she has my back.

She does, however, hold a Ph.d. in guilting me into doing the things she wants me to do. Most mothers, I'm sure, are well versed in the art of the guilt trip, especially Southern mothers.. and us Southern daughters are resigned to being the object of these trips because most Southern sons are a) too insensitive to recognize the attempted guilt trip; b) are able to pacify said adoring mother because they are an only (and/or favorite) son; or c) they just don't give a rat's ass (don't ask me to explain this Southernism). That being said, Southern mothers also have the tendency to rarely show mercy to daughters.

Case in point. Yesterday, despite my groaning protests that I did not want to go with her, Mom guilted me into going to some woman's cosmetic party. I know. Don't go there. I despise parties like this.. all of them. From candles to housewares to interior decorating.. all of them. And let me say all the ones I've attended, I've attended under duress from, you guessed it... Mom. I can't imagine why she even likes to go to them.. but that is not another blog entry.

Her argument. "You need to spend time with me.. I am your mother. What will I do when you are in Germany, and I cannot see you every day (week, month)" ETC. Ok, so I went. Damnit. Guilty as charged.

But after the dreaded party, and escaping without purchasing a single item (I'm pleased to say), I suppose Mommy Dearest decided that I needed something to soothe my frayed nerves. Because let me tell you, sitting in a group of gaggling women and playing with eyeshadow and blush and lip gloss, is not my cup of tea. Really. If I am invited to any of these shindigs in Germany, I will not hesitate to point blank refuse (politely of course). And there will be no one to guilt me into it.

So after three hours on the rack, Mom took me to Julia's. Ahhh, heaven. Or as close to heaven as possible in South Carolina.

Julia is this short little German lady from Bad Homburg. She owns her own restaurant and of course, it is all German cuisine. Schnitzel. Warsteiner. Spaetzle. Rouladen. Ok ok, it was my own small slice of bliss for two hours.. the waiter even knew what I meant when I told him I like to drink radler.. and he promptly brought me a glass with Sprite and set it next to my cold brown bottle of Warsteiner.

The schnitzel was delicious, although they use American made sauerkraut, which is not the same as the real kraut to be had in Deutschland.. but over all, I have to say that the food was very good.

And we had a nice conversation, Mom and me, about Michael and about Germany. By the time we left, of course, I had eaten too much and the bier.. well, its been several months since I've had any bier at all.. I just can't drink domestic anymore... American piss as Michael loves to point out.. and I whole-heartedly agree with his sentiments.

So, full of schnitzel and Warsteiner.. I promptly fell asleep on the way home, only waking when we pulled up in the parking lot of.. Wal-Mart. Ugh! I almost snatched back that halo I'd given her. But what the hell, she loves late-night shopping at the Super Center.. and we were only there for half an hour..

and by the way...

Since my beloved has started his own blog.. in German and in English.. I guess it's pointless to continue with calling him Mizi.. everyone will know his name is Michael anyway. So I am dispensing with the nickname from now on..

Babies & Handball

In addition to the decorating, the move and the wedding plans, Mizi and I have been talking about having children - a lot. Our conversations about this subject are lively to say the least..

And to be honest, I never thought I would have any children of my own. But Mizi quickly disabused me of that idea.. which is quite a turn-around from my first marriage.

My ex-husband had a daughter with his first wife, and when we married, we both agreed not to have children. He didn't want any more offspring; and I was quite content to run in the opposite direction of life-long responsibility. Not that I really escaped it.. my step-daughter was four years old, and she twisted me around her fingers like any four-year-old will.. long blond curls and big brown eyes.. I couldn't help but love her. I will always love her. And I miss being a part of her life, now that her father and I have parted ways..

But while I was married, I had my fair share of being 'the other' mommy... and I found that I liked being a parent. It made me really think about what I had agreed to - and what I was missing in my own life. So several years into it, I brought up the subject of having a baby.

I had changed my mind. My ex-husband had not. He did not want to discuss it. Accused me of backing out of our agreement. Well, what could I say? It was true. My argument was that such a life-altering decision, especially one concerning the rest of my life, should be open to discussion. I tried to explain that I wanted something he already possessed - the love between a parent and a child. Step-children, no matter how much they're loved, are not a substitute. The bond simply doesn't exist in the same way. I tried to get him to see my side of things, but..

He would not listen.. and that was the turning point in our marriage... the point where it began to die. Oh, at the time I said nothing. He would not hear me, and I swallowed those feelings. For the record, I stuck to our agreement... I have never approved of that kind of trickery, even within a marriage. I was, however, deeply angry. It took several more years of problems and disappointments to get me to the point of no return, but by then every shred of feeling I had was dead. And when the end came, I was really grateful to be able to walk away without any strings, or children, attached. I know now that our original agreement was a blessing..

Mizi, on the other hand, is totally different. He wants very much to be a Papa. Talks about it all the time. He doesn't care about gender either.. truly, he would like twins - triplets even! - if he had his way. He is adamant that no sons be named Wolfgang or Guenther, and he is being extremely stubborn about it.. but I haven't quite given up this discussion... yet (sorry honey).

I won't have to convince any of you that we're crazy when you read what's next..
Our conversations are something like this..

Me "So, darling, how many children do you want, really?"
Him "Oh, I don't know honey, enough to make a handball team"
Me "Mizi, I know nothing about handball.. how many people are on a team?"
Him "Seven." (laughing under his breath)
Me "What?! Are you crazy? Seven children? Surely you aren't serious darling.."
Him "Well, I did not say anything about the reserve players or the opposing team."
Me "How about two? Will you settle for two?"
Him "Ok, six."
Me "I said two, Mizi."
Him "Did you? Ok, but I like ten. A nice even number."
Me "Mizi!"
Him "Isabelle!"
Me "Ten is out of the question and you know it."
Him "Is it? Ok, four."
Me "Two pregnancies, four children. Maybe I could handle it."
Him "Three sets of twins would be nice.." (evil grin)
Me "Mizi!"
Him "Ok ok, between two and four."
Me "You're hugging the golden middle again, honey. Which is it going to be?"
Him "Maybe three."
Me "Three? Are you sure about this number?"
Him "No. Not really. How many are on a football team?"
Me "Way too many."
Him "That is not an answer darling."
Me "Ok damnit. Eleven players on the field.. 2nd string, 3rd string.. that's at least thirty- three." (smirk)
Him "Maybe that is too many.."
Me "See. I told you. And I'm not even counting special teams."
Him "Special teams?"
Me "Never mind.. didn't we agree on three?"
Him "No, darling. I have not agreed to only three."
Me "Well, can you give me a ballpark figure? Seriously."
Him "Now you want a baseball team?"
Me "No! I want a number. A realistic number, bitte."
Him "I really don't know it darling.. We will have to discuss this later.. when you're home."

And I know what that means.. he's going to try to get me to agree to the handball team.

Decorating Dilemmas..

In preparation for my new life in Krautland, I have have been sending my beloved some suggestions on decorating the apartment. He is very accomodating (for the moment) and has not said so much about how he would like to furnish it.. but I'm waiting.. I know he will have lots to say when we are buying the new furniture.

The first purchase will be a new bed, and we pretty much agree on what we want.. something that handcuffs can be easily attached to.. because let's face it, after six months of celebacy and countless hours of IM, phone calls and web-cam viewing, we will not be leaving our apartment for... well, at least a week!

But then there is the new living room furniture to consider, and the items that need to go in the office.. and the damned paint! Every wall in the place is either a white or a cream color (except the kitchen, which is a lovely shade of apple green) and I can barely stand it. So I have plans for the walls as well.

I sent Mizi some paint colors, like 21 shades for each room we intend to paint, hoping that there is a paint store within 50 km that would carry remotely the same colors. No dice. It seems that Lowe's American Traditions is just not on the German menu of choices.. He asked about having the colors mixed, but of course, without the recipe they cannot do it.. and neither of us see spending a small fortune to have them custom mixed anyway. We briefly considered shipping the necessary paint with my furniture, but decided it wasn't worth the effort. Surely I can find something I like from the choices on offer, right?

At the time the paint was being discussed, and my stamps were being wasted in sending the samples, we had decided on a lovely ice blue sofa for the wohnzimmer, and maybe a couple of chairs in a mango color, which I thought would look great with the brown paint I had chosen for that room. Our living room is quite large, actually, and I know a darker color will not take away from the space.

Then Mizi discovered this ginormous furniture store about 1 1/2 hours south of our village. He was very excited to tell me that we can purchase everything there and have it all delivered at one time.. maybe it was his way of saying he didn't really like the idea of mango chairs.. but the sofa is still stuck in my head for the moment.

So at this point we have agreed to buy the furniture first, and then kill ourselves painting before delivery of said purchases. It isn't a bad idea. The thing is, all I've seen of furniture in Germany thus far has been the Euro-modern variety, and while it is mostly appealing to me, I wonder how it's going to look next to my large Medieval gryphon mirror.. or my marble-topped wrought iron console.. hmmm.

Needless to say, our adventure is only beginning. And while Mizi says that he's leaving the decorating up to me.. I wonder how he will react when I want that ornate, bright red Maria Theresa chandelier in the dining room! Yes, with the brown paint.