Babies & Handball

In addition to the decorating, the move and the wedding plans, Mizi and I have been talking about having children - a lot. Our conversations about this subject are lively to say the least..

And to be honest, I never thought I would have any children of my own. But Mizi quickly disabused me of that idea.. which is quite a turn-around from my first marriage.

My ex-husband had a daughter with his first wife, and when we married, we both agreed not to have children. He didn't want any more offspring; and I was quite content to run in the opposite direction of life-long responsibility. Not that I really escaped it.. my step-daughter was four years old, and she twisted me around her fingers like any four-year-old will.. long blond curls and big brown eyes.. I couldn't help but love her. I will always love her. And I miss being a part of her life, now that her father and I have parted ways..

But while I was married, I had my fair share of being 'the other' mommy... and I found that I liked being a parent. It made me really think about what I had agreed to - and what I was missing in my own life. So several years into it, I brought up the subject of having a baby.

I had changed my mind. My ex-husband had not. He did not want to discuss it. Accused me of backing out of our agreement. Well, what could I say? It was true. My argument was that such a life-altering decision, especially one concerning the rest of my life, should be open to discussion. I tried to explain that I wanted something he already possessed - the love between a parent and a child. Step-children, no matter how much they're loved, are not a substitute. The bond simply doesn't exist in the same way. I tried to get him to see my side of things, but..

He would not listen.. and that was the turning point in our marriage... the point where it began to die. Oh, at the time I said nothing. He would not hear me, and I swallowed those feelings. For the record, I stuck to our agreement... I have never approved of that kind of trickery, even within a marriage. I was, however, deeply angry. It took several more years of problems and disappointments to get me to the point of no return, but by then every shred of feeling I had was dead. And when the end came, I was really grateful to be able to walk away without any strings, or children, attached. I know now that our original agreement was a blessing..

Mizi, on the other hand, is totally different. He wants very much to be a Papa. Talks about it all the time. He doesn't care about gender either.. truly, he would like twins - triplets even! - if he had his way. He is adamant that no sons be named Wolfgang or Guenther, and he is being extremely stubborn about it.. but I haven't quite given up this discussion... yet (sorry honey).

I won't have to convince any of you that we're crazy when you read what's next..
Our conversations are something like this..

Me "So, darling, how many children do you want, really?"
Him "Oh, I don't know honey, enough to make a handball team"
Me "Mizi, I know nothing about handball.. how many people are on a team?"
Him "Seven." (laughing under his breath)
Me "What?! Are you crazy? Seven children? Surely you aren't serious darling.."
Him "Well, I did not say anything about the reserve players or the opposing team."
Me "How about two? Will you settle for two?"
Him "Ok, six."
Me "I said two, Mizi."
Him "Did you? Ok, but I like ten. A nice even number."
Me "Mizi!"
Him "Isabelle!"
Me "Ten is out of the question and you know it."
Him "Is it? Ok, four."
Me "Two pregnancies, four children. Maybe I could handle it."
Him "Three sets of twins would be nice.." (evil grin)
Me "Mizi!"
Him "Ok ok, between two and four."
Me "You're hugging the golden middle again, honey. Which is it going to be?"
Him "Maybe three."
Me "Three? Are you sure about this number?"
Him "No. Not really. How many are on a football team?"
Me "Way too many."
Him "That is not an answer darling."
Me "Ok damnit. Eleven players on the field.. 2nd string, 3rd string.. that's at least thirty- three." (smirk)
Him "Maybe that is too many.."
Me "See. I told you. And I'm not even counting special teams."
Him "Special teams?"
Me "Never mind.. didn't we agree on three?"
Him "No, darling. I have not agreed to only three."
Me "Well, can you give me a ballpark figure? Seriously."
Him "Now you want a baseball team?"
Me "No! I want a number. A realistic number, bitte."
Him "I really don't know it darling.. We will have to discuss this later.. when you're home."

And I know what that means.. he's going to try to get me to agree to the handball team.